Without an animatic, it is doubly hard to follow the story presented here! I think this is a story about a young knife thrower in a circus, who is clumsy, but it might also be a story about a young chef – or maybe it’s a knife-thrower who wants to be a chef? I read the script – and it appears that this is a story about a young knife-thrower, who, because there are lots of cookbooks in a circus tent, comes to explore his love of food preparation, and at the end, the father accepts his skillset, and we also see that, as a knife thrower, the son is pretty decent too.
What I can see directly is that no coherent visual concept has been chosen for the film – with the various characters all seeming to belong to discrete universes: we have the anime influenced Oliver; we have the ‘realistic’ father, and we have the cutesy bear apprentice (?!) and we have a circus that looks like it’s destined for the pages of a children’s story book. There doesn’t seem to be any sensible concession here to the prospect of the technical challenge presented to the group in terms of actually modeling these characters in the time available (and with the experience available). It’s clear that the ‘teddy bear’ apprentice isn’t required at all in terms of servicing your story and could and should be omitted. Your priority now is to resolve an actual art direction and ensure all design work relates to this set of principles. I’d suggest too that the level of realism implied by our character designs is thrown out in favour of something simpler and more achievable – PG
Irrespective of this being an interim OGR the bottom line is that there are series of underdeveloped and missing components from your submission. These are...
A) Animatic: There is no animatic or pre-viz. This is a serious omission for this stage of the project and should be addressed immediately. Having no animatic has made that understanding your story direction and overall submission much harder.
B) Storyboard: Unfortunately, the storyboard is hard to understand and doesn't reflect your script or the discussions we’ve had during tutorials. This is particularly true in respect to your core theme and the 'twist / reveal' (knife thrower, fate, and becoming a chef). If I were reading this without any prior knowledge I suspect I wouldn’t know the who, where, or why of your narrative. The storyboard should be revisited and made more specific (with clear story beats) and reduced to ensure that your project is achievable.
C) Design (Characters / Concept art): Currently there is a 'patch work' approach to design by the group - Each member has designed characters and environments in their own styles and no attempt has been made to unify them. Whilst each of the designs have some merit one style should be chosen and taken forward (the others redesigned / adapted). Based upon the evidence I would recommend altering the more realistic designs (anime and traced / Lewis and Dan). I’d suggest losing the teddy bear character who seems to be additional to your story.
D) Group / Professionalism: Based upon this submission, the group blog, and your personal blogs it is clear that you're all working as individuals and not as a unified group. It is also clear that you are all making very slow progress and not using the time available fully. I would have expected the project to be more evolved than this at this stage. Your personal blogs have no Maya tutorials either - a further worry given the tasks ahead.
Finally I'd argue that all the problems above can be fixed with an increased degree of effort, however if the current work ethic stays the same it is unlikely that you will be able to complete this particularly ambitious project successfully. I suggest picking up the pace, solving the problems, and working as a group ASAP. – AP
Crescent Moon Studos / Cirque De Caro
ReplyDeleteWithout an animatic, it is doubly hard to follow the story presented here! I think this is a story about a young knife thrower in a circus, who is clumsy, but it might also be a story about a young chef – or maybe it’s a knife-thrower who wants to be a chef? I read the script – and it appears that this is a story about a young knife-thrower, who, because there are lots of cookbooks in a circus tent, comes to explore his love of food preparation, and at the end, the father accepts his skillset, and we also see that, as a knife thrower, the son is pretty decent too.
What I can see directly is that no coherent visual concept has been chosen for the film – with the various characters all seeming to belong to discrete universes: we have the anime influenced Oliver; we have the ‘realistic’ father, and we have the cutesy bear apprentice (?!) and we have a circus that looks like it’s destined for the pages of a children’s story book. There doesn’t seem to be any sensible concession here to the prospect of the technical challenge presented to the group in terms of actually modeling these characters in the time available (and with the experience available). It’s clear that the ‘teddy bear’ apprentice isn’t required at all in terms of servicing your story and could and should be omitted.
Your priority now is to resolve an actual art direction and ensure all design work relates to this set of principles. I’d suggest too that the level of realism implied by our character designs is thrown out in favour of something simpler and more achievable – PG
Irrespective of this being an interim OGR the bottom line is that there are series of underdeveloped and missing components from your submission. These are...
A) Animatic: There is no animatic or pre-viz. This is a serious omission for this stage of the project and should be addressed immediately. Having no animatic has made that understanding your story direction and overall submission much harder.
B) Storyboard: Unfortunately, the storyboard is hard to understand and doesn't reflect your script or the discussions we’ve had during tutorials. This is particularly true in respect to your core theme and the 'twist / reveal' (knife thrower, fate, and becoming a chef). If I were reading this without any prior knowledge I suspect I wouldn’t know the who, where, or why of your narrative. The storyboard should be revisited and made more specific (with clear story beats) and reduced to ensure that your project is achievable.
C) Design (Characters / Concept art): Currently there is a 'patch work' approach to design by the group - Each member has designed characters and environments in their own styles and no attempt has been made to unify them. Whilst each of the designs have some merit one style should be chosen and taken forward (the others redesigned / adapted). Based upon the evidence I would recommend altering the more realistic designs (anime and traced / Lewis and Dan). I’d suggest losing the teddy bear character who seems to be additional to your story.
D) Group / Professionalism: Based upon this submission, the group blog, and your personal blogs it is clear that you're all working as individuals and not as a unified group. It is also clear that you are all making very slow progress and not using the time available fully. I would have expected the project to be more evolved than this at this stage. Your personal blogs have no Maya tutorials either - a further worry given the tasks ahead.
Finally I'd argue that all the problems above can be fixed with an increased degree of effort, however if the current work ethic stays the same it is unlikely that you will be able to complete this particularly ambitious project successfully. I suggest picking up the pace, solving the problems, and working as a group ASAP. – AP